The body image app that helped me recover from a dating nightmare
by Tammy Rabideau
Illustration by Anastasia Volkova
Not feeling comfortable in your own skin is a painful way to live. Tammy Rabideau writes about an app that’s helped with body image and self-critical thoughts.
I was in the middle of a first date with a handsome guy I’d met online a week earlier when out of nowhere he made a strange joke about my appearance — specifically about my face. Perhaps he meant nothing by it, but for me, someone with a long history of body dysmorphic disorder, it was devastating. Engulfed in a state of panic, I quickly ended the date and headed for the door. I never saw him again.
Defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) falls under the category of an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), specifically a preoccupation with one or more perceived defects or flaws in physical appearance that are not observable or appear slight to others. It’s estimated that in the United States, 5 million to 10 million people struggle with this disorder.
My BDD revolves around my face, specifically my nose, jaw, and teeth. Left untreated, it can lead to devastating effects, including anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. Though I’d suffered from BDD for two decades, I’d been stable for years — until that night.
No one had ever made a negative comment or joke about one of my BDD focus areas. I tried to shake it off, but my mind held no power over the stronghold of BDD. Two days later, I struggled to leave my apartment to go to work, convinced I looked deformed. I called my old therapist for help, but he was booked for weeks.
Desperate, I drove to a nearby urgent care clinic that connected me with a new therapist. This therapist specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) — an effective treatment for BDD and other mental health issues. I could see him that afternoon.
After just two sessions, the pandemic shut just about everything down and in-person meetings were canceled. My therapist suggested teletherapy where we would have therapy over the phone, but having developed little rapport in our limited in-person sessions, I found our phone conversations awkward and repetitive. I needed something more.
Sitting in my apartment, searching for resources online, I came across body image apps. I found one that claimed to “help break negative thinking habits by providing daily exercises based on cognitive behavioral therapy techniques.” The app was called Body+. I gave it a try.
Anastasia Volkova
An app for body image issues
The app was designed by professor and psychologist Guy Doran of Reichman University and the company GGtude, a digital mental wellness platform, to help the high number of people suffering from body image dissatisfaction and disorders. A study conducted by Doron and his colleagues showed that changing inner dialogue significantly reduced levels of body image distress. Participants showed a 34.7% decrease in symptoms when they used the app for just 16 days.
After downloading Body+, I noticed it had several modules to choose from: decreasing shame, sleep, anger and calm, self-esteem, anxiety, health worries, mood, relationships, trauma, sexuality, perfectionism, parenting, and body image. I chose the latter.
I started doing the exercises daily, repeating them up to three times a day. When I logged into the app, it asked me, “How’s your mindset?” After I responded, it gave me a screenshot of my progress, before directing me to where I’d left off in my last session. As a series of affirmative statements floated across my screen, it gave me an option to “embrace” or “discard” each one as I moved through the session. I found the exercises simple, yet effective.
Within a few days, I noticed improvement as I practiced disconnecting my self-worth from my appearance. By the end of the first week, my mood, according to my own documentation in the app, had gone up. Although I still missed the connection of an in-person therapist, the app was providing relief. It gave me a sense of control by proactively redirecting my thoughts. Three weeks later, my obsessive thoughts had decreased, and I felt more hopeful. The app wasn’t a cure, but a powerful tool that helped me take a step back from the edge.
Body dysmorphia: hope is here
Last week, a year after in-person restrictions were lifted, I prepared to attend a social gathering and old patterns of negative self-talk surfaced. I thought I looked too awful to be seen in public and wanted to cancel. I did a quick CBT exercise in the app to see if I felt any better. If I felt the same, I’d stay home.
Two hours later, I was at the party and grateful I had gone. My thoughts didn’t disappear, but I was able to reinterpret them. The app isn’t a replacement for a therapist, but an effective option that can help us re-engage in life when our negative self-talk threatens to derail us.
Anastasia Volkova