Struggling during the holiday season? You’re not alone
by Tessa Kauppila
Illustration by Sonny Ross
If the holiday season isn’t all merry and bright in your world — perhaps it’s instead imbued with stress, anxiety, loneliness, and overwhelm — know that you’re not alone. Not at all.
In a recent poll by the American Psychiatric Association, two-thirds of adults said they noticed at least one behavioral change when winter comes, such as sleeping more, feeling fatigued, or feeling depressed. This is then compounded by what the holidays bring forth for many: adults are five times more likely to say the level of stress in their life increases during this time of year, for reasons that are related to social and family dynamics, loneliness, finances, food and alcohol issues — or just the sheer pressure that the season can put on a person.
“If you have mental health issues, they’re going to be magnified during the holiday season,” says psychologist Dr. Pauline Wallin. “And, if you're already depressed and you're on social media, I call it ‘Christmas Letters on Steroids,’ because everybody looks so happy and they only post what they're proud of.”
Between the chilly weather and early nightfall, it's easy for us to retreat home post-work and bask in the blue lights of our phone screens, TVs, and laptops — abandoning the plans that once provided physical and social benefits, like a work-out class or dinner with friends. Yet, by doing so, it can give rise to feelings of isolation, invisibility, and insignificance.
“When it comes to human mood, everything adds up,” says Dr. Paul Desan, who runs the Winter Depression Research Clinic at the Yale School of Medicine. “In the winter, people may withdraw from the activities that were sustaining to them. They go out less, they're exposed to even less light. Depression can make depression worse.”
Loneliness and isolation, which were recently declared an epidemic by the U.S. Surgeon General, put both our mental and physical health at risk. Prolonged poor or insignificant social connection can cause as much detriment to our health as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and is also associated with an increased risk of heart disease and stroke. Loneliness is also linked to an increased risk for anxiety and depression.
Internal and external expectations of the holidays can amplify these feelings of anxiety and loneliness. The social pressures of the season can leave a lot of people isolated and doubting themselves.
What if I don’t have nearby family or friends to celebrate with?
What if the ones I do spend time with trigger something?
Why don’t I feel as stereotypically cheery as every sleigh-bell-infused song and tap-dancing TV ad makes me believe I should be?
Sonny Ross
“I always find that people get overwhelmed and anxious when they have certain expectations,” says psychologist Dr. Elaine Rodino. “Most of the expectations come from two major categories. The media, all the advertising and images that we see the whole holiday season, with happy people gathering, having drinks, and dressing up beautifully in sparkly clothing. The other expectation often comes just from one's own family traditions. So, my suggestion to them is that they have permission to do holidays their way.” This can look like replacing longstanding-but-exhausting familial activities with something new or giving yourself grace to do nothing at all,” Dr. Rodino says.
When struggling during the holidays, it can help to take active steps to alleviate some of the seasonal maladies. Set healthy boundaries and establish firm decisions that relieve you of feelings of burden and dread. For example, if holiday parties aren’t any fun at all for you, but you’d like to make an appearance at one, feel free to make a statement to yourself about exactly how you’d like to engage in these activities. Perhaps you can promise yourself that you’ll only attend one party and stay for just an hour or two. Figure out what feels genuinely good and go from there.
It’s also important to note that it’s OK to sit holiday events out entirely if you feel they’re doing more harm than good, especially for those who might be newly sober or dealing with food issues, Dr. Rodino notes. Instead, try doing something that shifts your focus off yourself — be it cleaning out your closet for clothes donations or finding a food drive in your community.
“When we are feeling stressed or sad, doing something for others, no matter how small, boosts our mood,”
“When we are feeling stressed or sad, doing something for others, no matter how small, boosts our mood,” American Psychiatric Association President Petros Levounis, M.D., M.A. said in a statement. “Whether it is an innate response that rewards altruistic behavior or a mental reframing that puts positivity in the world, doing something for someone else makes us feel better.”
Now’s also the time to explore new mediums and experience their therapeutic effects. Perhaps it’s signing up for the dance class you’ve been wanting to try, forging a mind-body connection and finding a sense of community in a room full of others. Or maybe it’s painting, pottery, coloring books, or knitting. Regardless of what you choose, the very act of creation can help with reducing stress, instilling a sense of calm and elevating your mood. As for music and movies, if a certain genre makes you especially nostalgic and melancholy this time of year, opt for something else, like a novel sci-fi flick in place of your rom-com classic.
“What I say to people is, ‘The holidays are going to be over soon,’” says Dr. Wallin. “It's time-limited. We're able to tolerate higher levels of stress when we know when they're going to end. Like in the dentist's chair and they say, ‘Just one more tooth I have to scrape here and then it’ll be over.’”
In crisis? Need to talk to someone right now? For medical emergencies in the US, call 911. For mental health and/or substance use support, call 988. Chat is available at https://988lifeline.org/.
For the Crisis Text Line, text HOME to 741741.